In This Bittersweet Symphony
by Prustrian Informant
Summary: You can't buy love or happiness. You can't ignore the emotions running through your veins. We're going down Shizu-chan. Down in this bittersweet symphony. At least we have our fun, ne?
1. Isolationism

Loneliness.

It was one of the things that humans feared more than death or plague or any type of poison. It was one of those things that had no physical form. It couldn't be stopped by being stabbed. It wouldn't stop by being yelled at. It was an emotion; or rather, a lack of emotional return.

It was like cold.

It wasn't real, it was the lack of something else.

Without companionship, without belongingness; it manifested. It came into being and delved into the emotions of the person. Whether that person was in a crowd, whether they were surrounded by others or talking to someone; if the sense of belonging wasn't there, it was as if the person was still alone.

Izaya wasn't lonely though. Why?

He never acknowledged he had this lack of belongingness. He had his secretary. He had himself and he had an ex-bartender who chased him around whenever he came close to that epiphany.

"Izaya?" Shinra knocked on the door again, "Izaya-san? Are you there?"

The door to the informant's apartment remained shut as the man remained unresponsive. Crimson leaked onto the mahogany flooring.

"Izaya? It's been four months. I know you're here. Your secretary told me you were here."

Carmine eyes shut, staring up at the ceiling as he wondered the whole thing. It had been four months? His mind was trolling him. It couldn't be true.

The door clicked as the underground doctor broke into his home. The man froze before coming sprinting forward to the informant's side.

"IZAYA!"

The informant looked over and sighed, "Shinra… I think I got a paper cut."

Shinra pressed his hand to the informant's chest, trying to stop the bleeding. "What happened to you?"

"I think…I got a …pap-"

"Don't give me that!" Shinra glared at him in anger and stood up, "hold onto your chest for a minute while I get my medical kit from the car. You idiot." The man left the room and Izaya let go of his chest. The blood poured forth from him and he laughed. He laughed loudly as he felt the edges of his reality flicker in and out of focus, darkening at the edges. Nothing existed to him anymore. This pain was numbing, leaving him with this loneliness.

He wasn't even sure what had led him to this feeling. He had been fine this morning. He had awakened, taken a shower, trolled ignorance online, and then…

Then he had ended up on his own floor, bleeding out upon the wood floors of his home. He grimaced at the mud on his floor. Shinra hadn't even removed his shoes. How rude…

"Izaya! What did I tell you? I said to keep pressure on your wound!" Shinra pushed him onto his back and looked closely at the wound. "…was this… done with your switchblade?"

Izaya looked up at the ceiling and sang softly to himself, "_It's going down, in this bittersweet symphony. Don't turn around, baby, you're going down. In this bittersweet symphony… you're going down down and around."_

The room faded slowly before Izaya heard the underground doctor shout for him to stay conscious.

_ It had started four months ago. _

_ Another chase through Ikebukuro, Izaya leaped from one roof to another. He had taunted the blond. Then…_

_ She had come. That Russian woman, Vorona, had come between him and his antagonist. Shizuo had gotten distracted and within minutes the brute was walking away with the woman and his boss. _

_ It had continued in such a manner every time after that. The chases became shorter. Izaya found himself in Ikebukuro more and more often, trying to catch the brute's attention. He took jobs and clients who were shadier than usual. He became more blade friendly with the ex-bartender. Yet still, Shizuo would end up within seconds walking off with Vorona. _

_ After three months, Izaya cornered the blonde woman alone and held his blade at the ready, "stay away from Shizu-chan…"_

_ Vorona rolled her eyes, "you and Shizuo's fights are over, Orihara-san. Go home."_

_ He stalked forward and grinned, "Imagine. You just got attacked and killed by the slasher. How terrible! You're body will be found sliced to pieces in an alley… Would you look at that, we're in an alley." He smiled, eyes widening as if he were astonished by this fact. _

_ "Good night Orihara. I can only tell you this." The Russian smiled, "Shizuo won't remember you tomorrow morning."_

_ "Ne? Won't remember me?" Izaya laughed, "I have that memorable face. He won't forget."_

_ But he did. _

_ Izaya caught the man's attention only when he walked right up to the man and loudly said the man's full name. _

_ "Hi…um… do I know you?"_

_ "Hahahaha~ Shizu-chan doesn't remember me. What a laugh!" The blond blinked at him before turning his attention to that Russian woman. _

_ "Vorona."_

_ "Shizuo-san, are you ready to go? Tanaka-san needs us a couple blocks north."_

_ "Yeah, let's go."_

_ Izaya watched as they walked away and bits of his mask wore away, revealing an unfathomable face on him._

Izaya lay unconscious on the guest bed at Shinra's as Shinra answered the door to Celty and Shizuo. "Wifey~! Shizuo!"

Celty typed quickly, [I made the delivery and ran into Shizuo. I invited him to join us for dinner.]

"Oh Celty! What happened to our lovely dinners alone, the candlelight, the roman-OUCH! I get it."

[Is something going on?] Celty typed up as she and her guest walked in.

"Well… Izaya got hurt somehow. He's asleep in the other room and I think he's wounds were self inflicted. He's been out of it for a while. I'm not sure what to do."

"What?" Shizuo spun around in shock.

[He could be faking.]

Shinra shook his head, "he's got a wound straight through his chest. Two inches deeper and he would have killed himself. He wouldn't even answer the door for me. I had to call the apartment owner to get him to open the door for me."

[…Is he okay?] Celty seemed at a loss at what else to say. Shizuo shook in anger, his fists clenching.

"Where is that louse?"

Shinra smiled a little weakly. "he's in the other room. You've got to leave him be though. He's in critical condition."

"Critical my ass." Shizuo stalked to the other room and Celty held Shinra back.

"Celty! If he goes in there and hits him or anything. Izaya did hurt himself ba-"

[Let them talk. I don't think Shizuo would hurt him]

Shizuo couldn't think about anything else as his feet led him to the other room. His heart pounded in his chest. The only things running through his mind was that the flea, that LOUSE had hurt himself. He had taken his own blade against himself.

That was completely out of character, completely out of sync with him. Shizuo couldn't fathom such an act. There was no way, the louse had tricked the underground doctor somehow. He had to have. Izaya wasn't one to do anything like this to himself.

He threw the door to the room open and stepped inside to see the heart monitor flat lining; The sound coming from it a stream of constant sound, never wavering. He stood before the bed and watched the man remain frozen.

Had Izaya…

Had Izaya done this because of him?

"SHIT!" Shinra rushed in and moved a machine onto the bed, prepping the machine before sending volts of electricity through the informant. Shizuo watched silently.

"COME ON IZAYA," Shinra yelled, "GOD! STOP BEING A COWARD!"

The doctor continued and Shizuo felt something tug at his insides, he couldn't watch this.

_"That louse!" Shizuo glared at his cup of milk with his coworkers at the restaurant and shook in anger. _

_ Vorona smiled, "if you hate him so much you should pretend you don't know him. Just ease into pretending he doesn't exist."_

_ "It would never work, that louse has a way of getting on my nerves…"_

_ Tom blinked before agreeing with Vorona, "we could always help."_

Shizuo shook his head, his fists clenching and unclenching as he watched Shinra fight death.

_"Shizuo-san!" Mairu and Kururi ran up to him and he sighed._

_ "What?"_

_ "Can we have you and Kasuka-san as brothers since Izaya is going to kill himself?"_

_ "What are you talking about?"_

_ "Iza-nii was mumbling about killing himself. So can we have you and Kasuka as brothers."_

_ "Nii-chan." Kururi murmured behind her sister._

_ "No! The louse won't touch himself with his own blade. He's not going to kill himself."_

_ "Never underestimate the lonely, Shizuo-san!" Mairu yelled as Shizuo turned and walked away. "We'll ask you next week."_

Never underestimate the lonely. Shizuo stared at the brunet as Shinra finally got his heart beating again and sighed, "I can't stand this! He's gone into cardiac arrest three times already… Shizuo…" Shinra frowned at him and Shizuo shook his head.

"Has he said why…"

"He won't tell me shit. He went unconscious at his apartment. I had to have some associates help me get him here."

Shizuo nodded and sat down, staring at that face.

He felt his anger, it was still there, but still…

He couldn't summon the outrage that he used to. He just stared at him, confused by the man's sleeping face.

"I'll be down the hall with Celty…" Shinra backed up to the door slowly, "if he starts to go into cardiac arrest again…"

"I'll let you know."

The doctor nodded and left the room.

A hand going to meet the informant's, Shizuo remained sitting by the man's side, ignoring his phone ringing. He was going to miss work tonight.


	2. Seclusion

_-Computer is infected-_

_-Computer is infected-_

_-Purchase new malware protection-_

_Izaya had stared at the screen as rain pounded against the windowpane behind him. To say he was upset was an understatement. Lightning flashed behind him before he heard his front door open, revealing one drenched secretary. _

_"I quit."_

_"Hmm?" Izaya looked up and laughed, "you are such a tease, Namie-chan!"_

_"I mean it, Izaya." She slammed the folders down on the desk and smirked at him, "Good bye, good riddance. I'm leaving Tokyo and I'm leaving your employment."_

_Izaya looked down at the folders. "What's this?"_

_"Termination papers. Consider me gone, Orihara."_

_"BUT NAMIE-CHAN~! I'm like the mafia! Once you work under me, you never lea-" The door slammed shut before he had even finished his sentence. He stared at the door and waited for the woman to return. _

_The footsteps faded into nothingness._

_Izaya looked back at the screen and tried yet again to purchase the protection for his computer or remove the malware._

_-Computer is infected-_

_-Computer is infected-_

_-Purchase new malware protection-_

_Sighing, he shut his computer down and ran a hand through his hair. This was okay. He would just be unable to log onto his computers for the night. He could go a night without haunting his usual chatrooms. The dollars had gotten along without Mikado for ages; surely the internet could survive without him for a few hours…_

_The footsteps of Izaya's now former secretary remained gone, while a layer of dust formed upon the computer, the keyboard remaining cold without its owners hands typing away on it. _

_The dust remained days later…_

Shizuo awakened next to the informant's bed and watched the man sleep, his mind far away from where he lay. The blond's thoughts flew at speeds it never had before.

Why?

His mind was trapped in that circle of questioning. Izaya was beyond this. Hell, he enjoyed trolling others to this point. He loved it. Shizuo had heard enough from talking to Celty to know that.

What had brought him to this point?

"Shizuo?" Shinra poked his head in and yawned, "Celty and I are getting ready to head out. Celty has a delivery and I have a job in the northern part of town…"

"Fine." Shizuo remained next to the bed, wiping the sleepers from his eyes. Fatigue made itself known in the form of darkness underneath his eyes.

"…Shizuo, you can go home. Take a nap. Izaya's just going to be-"

"I'll see you when you get back."

"Shizuo! I'm serious." The doctor walked in and frowned more, "Izaya's not going to care if he wakes up alone. He's used to it."

Alone…

Shizuo examined the flea's features carefully. No…

There was no way in hell that that flea was lonely.

He had his 'humans' after all.

He had himself.

"Shizuo…SHIZUO!" Shinra stood in front of him and frowned deeply, his face full of disproval. "You should get to wor-"

"Tom gave me the week off," Shizuo lied.

"You need rest!"

"I'll sleep in here."

Shinra sighed, "At least sleep on the couch or something. It's not healthy to sleep on the chairs in here."

"I'll-"

"Nor is the floor healthy," Shinra interrupted with. "I'll be back in a couple hours."

Shizuo ignored the man and returned his focus to the informant.

"I'll leave some music on. You should listen to something besides these monitors." He flipped on the radio and walked out. The monitors kept beat with the music as the singer went on with his lyrics,

"_My ears bleed and in turn I speak treasons, Weaving through a system that dubs realists as heathens. Like the cigarettes I'm 'chained' to, wicked words can be the devil in Disguise that thrive off of maiming you. But who's blaming who? Never are we the ones. We point the finger at the skies…"_

__Shizuo left the room for only a moment, returning with a blanket. He wrapped it around himself and curled up on the chair, refusing his doctor's wishes. Shinra would just have to suck it up, Shizuo wasn't leaving until he found out why the hell Izaya was like this.

It was Izaya's fault if he had back pain from this later…


	3. Denial

_Izaya purchased a new computer, setting it down in front of him. It was a good enough morning. He ruffled the towel through his hair and sat down before the computer screen, watching contently as the monitor sprung to life. _

_ Finally, internet access._

_ He paused as he found himself unable to go into the dollars website. _

_ More websites seemed to be blocked. He frowned, but shrugged it off, moving to troll upon some of the most common and trite social community sites on the web. _

_ **You're a jerk.**_

_** Dickwad.**_

_** Jack*** **_

_** TROlololol~ I will report you.**_

_Izaya just laughed at the comments and continued, frowning as his computer shut down on him. He looked at the cord, still plugged into the wall. He pressed the power button. The screen remained black. _

_ "How amusing…" His voice wavered through the room before he stood up. His mind going blank as he looked around the room; curious…_

_ He looked out at the city, at the people so far off in the distance. Something felt off, like something had been rearranged in his home. He looked at his chess board and frowned, why was his two kings near one another?_

_ Those two were to remain far apart, never to see eye to eye. They were to remain in hate towards one another. Yet, the two pieces stood at the end of the board, the black one so close to the edge, it would fall with a mere gust of wind. _

_ He must have done that last night when he was bored. _

_ Izaya started to move the pieces apart and felt something wet hit his cheek. _

_ Another something fell._

_ And another…_

_ Izaya turned away from the board, replacing the pieces to where they had been before. He made it halfway across the room before his thoughts flew passed him. The past four months flickering before his consciousness._

_ He looked around again before laughing, his face red by this point, the bags under his eyes more apparent than before. He laughed hard, feeling his chest complain against his ribs, he was so tired. He was just so exhausted. _

_ He looked at the room again before thinking aloud, "I think I need a nap…"_

Shizuo walked into the apartment only to hear Shinra groan, "You've got to be kidding me, Shizuo-san! It's been a month since Izaya went under. You need to get out! Go enjoy life!"

"Nice to see you too, Shinra." Shizuo walked down the hall, being followed by the doctor.

"I'm serious. Izaya's to the point where if he goes under one more time, I'm not saving his…" Shinra let the sentence drop as Shizuo cut him a glare. "…I'll just let you visit him alone for a while…"

The door opened with a creaking sound, shutting loudly behind him. Shizuo stared at the informant, lying quietly in bed. Just like yesterday, and the day before, and just like he would be tomorrow.

Shizuo leaned in and brushed the informant's growing hair out of his eyes, frowning at the sleeping face.

_"Shizuo, you seem depressed…" Tom looked at him and Vorona nodded._

_ "Yeah, you've seemed down for a while." _

_ "It's nothing… I'm taking the week off." Shizuo stated, turning away._

_ "Uh, alright." Tom nodded, "feel better, Shizuo."_

Hands clenched on either side of the informant's face, the blond mop of hair showing brown hair underneath; being ignored by its owner. Shizuo felt himself shake and he felt something akin to his rage boil. "Dammit… dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit… Wake the hell up, flea."

The man's eyes remained shut, unyielding to the man's plea.

"Wake up…"

Nothing.

"WAKE UP!" Shizuo spun around and threw the chair he usually sat in at the wall. It embedded itself there as the blond shook, water dripping down his face. He stared at the brunet and longed to wrap his hands around that throat.

How dare that flea… that flea make him feel like this.

HOW DARE HE?

Shizuo heard the dullahan walk in and type on her PDA before showing it to him.

[Shizuo, you should go home and get some rest.]

"I can't…"

[Hmm? Izaya will wake up soon. I'll make sure Shinra takes care of him for you.]

"I can't stand this, Celty… He needs to wake up."

[He'll wake up when he's ready.]

"Damn flea, always making me so freaking pissed off."

[Hmm?]

Shizuo shook his head and turned away, going out of the room and heading to the front door. Shinra shook his head from the couch, "See you tomorrow, Shizuo."

"Make him wake up."

The door was slammed shut before the sound of another cardiac arrest went through the apartment. Shinra stood up and ran for the informant's room, quickly getting the man breathing again, before inserting a breathing tube into the informant's throat.

[I thought you said that it would be bad to do that.] Celty typed.

"…Do you think we should tell Shizuo…that Izaya… goes into cardiac arrest every time he leaves…" Shinra panted, looking at the dullahan seriously.

Celty shrugged, unable to answer the question. [You left the television on.]

"_Love and pain of the memory speed slow motion. __/__Dreams nightmares slow motion speed of innocence.__ /__Did you hear the sound of the heartbeat__ /__Covering the whole body feeling of turning two rings."_


	4. The Haze

_The blood fell from his chest as Izaya looked down. He frowned at himself. How had he gotten to this point? He looked around his apartment, too tired to actually get up and do something about this. _

_ The crimson fell soundlessly to the floor, pouring forth from him. He didn't feel anything though. With all depressed people, with every suicidal human, there was always a story they were trying to portray through themselves. They wanted attention. _

_Izaya knew he wasn't depressed. _

_ He didn't feel the least bit sad. He didn't feel like shouting at someone or talking about his feelings. There was no particular emotion running though him._

_ Loneliness was never an emotion though, it was rather a lack of belongingness._

_ His laughter sped the dripping wound on. _

_ It was just so funny! Him, a stranger in his own skin, in his own home; he had no true place in this world. He was so lost! _

_ His laughter died down as the pain began to nip at him. Footsteps approached his door, he heard Shinra's voice and realized…_

_ He was bleeding…_

Shizuo headed down the street. The whole area was quieter. Not that there weren't shady characters anymore. It was like the whole system continued on in its backwards, disgusting ways; Those annoying pests still going about their business as if the informant had had nothing to do with them being there.

He wanted to believe that Izaya was to blame for these people. It was Izaya's fault that anything bad happened in Ikebukuro. All the gangs, they were made by Izaya for his sick, twisted mind. All the hurt people found in this city: Izaya's fault. Everything had Izaya to blame.

It had been ages since Izaya had been out and about in this city, so long that no one feared either himself or Izaya like they had used to. He had turned into another face in the crowd.

The debtors didn't even fear him like they had used to, but that only made him more angered. He lost his temper so easily. Tom was getting worried about his frequent sick days, but he couldn't stay calm anymore. He couldn't go out into the city only to lose himself. The only time…

The only time he felt like himself anymore was when he was staring at Izaya, watching the flea sleep endlessly.

He would arrive at around seven, watching the evening sun set upon the man, the night falling as he listened to the sound of the informant's heart beating on the monitor. The lights of the IV machine and the other monitors would light up the room when the sun gave in. Shizuo would sit on the guest chair, sometimes on the edge of the bed, occasionally even on the windowsill. He would sit there until the late hour when Shinra would walk in, complaining that he couldn't seduce his sweet wife to bed if he had his friend being depressed in the apartment.

Shizuo would nod, as usual, leaving the place only to roam the streets. He would watch the gangs running about the place, the darkness that was still as strong and lively as ever.

Life carried on, even without the flea.

That was what made him sick. He couldn't stand to see this. The snake was supposed to die without its head. The evil in this city was supposed to be gone without Izaya.

The ex-bartender headed home, opening his apartment door only to stare at the dimly lit furniture in his home. The door shut with a quiet click before was undressing, tossing his clothes into the shadows nearby. First his vest, then his shirt, the white cloth sporting a large stain from him losing his temper only to lose his hot chocolate. His steps were marked with a piece of clothing lost behind them. The bathroom flickered into light as he walked in. He looked in the mirror only to wince.

Dark bag highlighting red-rimmed eyes gazed back at him, his hair a bad mix between brown and blond. He looked sleep deprived, malnourished, and just plain unhealthy.

Averting his gaze, he splashed his face with some water and declined from taking a shower; opting to just go straight to bed instead.

Where was the point?

He couldn't think of anything.

His head met his pillow, limbs falling where they may. His gaze went to the ceiling, but his thoughts were miles away, sitting before that damn louse. They were always there nowadays. He couldn't think anymore without his mind spanning the great distance to think about Izaya.

It shouldn't matter. He should be happy…

He wasn't though.

Shizuo felt sick. His chest hurt when he breathed, his relationships were going down the drain, he felt so tired all the time. He just wanted to stop everything and go back to the way things were.

No matter the cost. No matter how he hated violence.

He wanted to go back to chasing Izaya out of Ikebukuro again.

_ We've got no place to go, no place to go~oh_

_ No place to go, no place to go-oh_

_ No place to go._

_ No place to go-oh…_

_ My heaven…_

_ My heaven…_

_ Is you…_


	5. Patience

_Limbo. _

_ The place between reality and nothingness; Izaya looked around and frowned to himself. He couldn't see forward, nor backwards. The darkness surrounded him. It engulfed him. It filled him with emptiness. _

_ Izaya felt exposed. _

_ How was he supposed to be in control when he had no idea what or where he was. He forced himself to run, he searched through that endless night around him. He felt as if he was a child, learning to walk. He stumbled, he tripped, but nothing met his hands. He would find himself running in impossible directions. His mouth opened as he screamed into the darkness. Looking around at this endless night, he tried to call out to anyone. He even yelled for Shiki, his favorite of his clientele. _

_ Nothing. _

_ Countless times he heard _that _voice; he would pause, sometimes crying out for his enemy. _

_ "Izaya… you have to wake up…"_

_ Shizu-chan…_

_ "WAKE UP!"_

I'm trying_, he would scream. The world had no idea how much he longed to return. Ye of little faith, but he wanted to go home. He tried to kill himself, but he couldn't feel his own body. He knew he was there, he could feel his feet upon the ground, but he couldn't touch them. _

_ The darkness swallowed him after each time he heard that voice, his mind going blank before lightning flashed through his mind. Awakening back in that darkness, it would repeat again… _

_ And again…_

_ And again…_

_ Until Izaya felt his feet drag upon the ground in his prison. _

_ Until he didn't know whether he wanted to hear that voice again. _

_ The only thing that kept him going was the moment when he heard the protozoan speak. The darkness seemed to ebb from him. He would be getting closer and closer to freedom. So very close…_

_ Then he was finding himself awakened again by that lightning. _

_ It hurt…_

_ It hurt so bad…_

There was nothing like this emptiness inside of him. It was like a void that nothing could fill. Shizuo slowly headed out into the town. Rain pitter pattered onto the ground from the sky, the grey dawn highlighted by the snow on the ground.

It was getting to be that time of year again.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he sighed as he walked up the steps and entered the apartment building with Shinra's place inside. Walking up the steps, he paused as he found Shinra waving to him from his door. "Shizuo!" He grinned and tossed a book at him, "if you're going to be stuck sitting around my house, learn how to play this piano!"

"What?" Shizuo frowned at him.

"Piano is the love language of music. It's one of the most expressive instruments of them all… and Celty told me to find you a hobby to make up for… well… him being gone."

Shizuo stared at him a moment before rushing to the informant's room. He sighed in relief as he heard the monitors beeping, the informant still fast asleep. "God, Shinra. Don't fucking scare me like that."

"hehe…" Shinra grinned a bit, "and here I thought you both hated each other…"

"Yeah…" Shizuo stole the book from Shinra's hands and flipped through it, "this is written in gibberish!"

"Well, you are here long enough every day. You might as well get started. I think you'll get it eventually."

Shizuo was about ready to throttle the man when he went running out, claiming to be going on a date with his beloved wife.

Date, his ass.

Sitting before the ivory keys, Shizuo sighed and stared at the scribbles…

…and stared…

WHY WASN'T THERE ANY PICTURE EXPLANATIONS?

Within minutes, Shizuo returned to the informant's side, the stupid book Shinra had given him laying outside the doctor's living room window in an alley, having been thrown there in the monster's fit of rage.

_Breathe._

_ In. _

_ Breathe._

_ Out. _

_ Breathe. _

_ Easy. _

_So Easy…_


	6. The Punch

_Lonely. _

_ He was just so lonely._

_ Izaya looked around the area and stop moving. He fell backwards, only to continue to fall further and further back. Nothing was turning up to be under him. Nothing wiped through his hair as he fell, but he felt like he was falling. His body tensed for that impact that seemed evident._

_ Yet nothing happened…_

_ He just kept going downwards, spiraling out of his own control. He wasn't sure what to do._

_ And so the informant fell…_

_ Then that voice appeared. Like a blanket in the cold, like a security object to a small child; the voice coddled him. It brought him closer to that freedom. It gripped him in his bony vice and pulled him free. _

_ He shut his eyes to the darkness and felt himself smile a little. _

_ He was finally going to be free. This darkness would vanish from his sight forever more. Nevermore would he have to see this nothingness. Nevermore would he have to be trapped under the void of light. _

_ Shizu-chan…_

"Celty~" Shinra whined from the hallway as Shizuo was so rudely awakened by the doctor's voice. "I thought that swimsuit suited you perfectly!" Taping was heard faintly before the doctor's voice returned again. "That's not tru-OW! Fine! But it's true! You look amazing in everything! I think these designers just think of you when they make clothes!"

Shizuo turned just as the dullahan entered the room and paused. It was still somewhat of a shock to see her without her helmet. The smoke remained near her neck as Shinra continued to fawn over her.

[Shizuo? What are you still doing here?] She typed it quickly before Shizuo stood up.

"Dammit. I must have fallen asleep…" The blond yawned a bit before looking at the duo again. "thanks for letting me visit… again." Shinra looked like he was seeing a ghost. Celty didn't move a muscle. "…What's wrong with you both?"

"I-I-I-I… Shinra stared at him and Shizuo felt his temper coming back a bit.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

[Behind you Shizuo] Celty finally typed.

Shizuo turned only to stare in shock at the informant. Crimson eyes looked blearily up at him. The informant… Izaya… was…

"Izaya-san!" Shinra hurried over and smiled at him, shaking a bit. "It's been a while. You know it's bad manners to go against a doctor's orders. I thought I told you not to fall asleep."

"…" The informant stared at him blankly.

"…Izaya?" Shinra leaned closer to him and waved his hand in front of him.

Shizuo remained where he stood, staring at the dazed man. He had awakened. Shizuo wasn't sure whether to be happy about that or pissed off.

"Say something!" Shinra complained. "Here I never hear the end of your prattling and now you've gone mute on me. Geez, you worry me for four months, then you scare me for another three, and now this? SPEAK!"

"…Leave me be." Izaya's eyes dulled as he sighed, looking away.

"Thank God. Anyway, what happened to you? How did you get hurt?"

"…"

"Izaya!" Shinra sighed before standing up, "you haven't changed a bit. And here I thought I would have to deal with you being depressed. This is just another game isn't it… whatever." The doctor turned and beamed at Celty, "wifey~ my friend is being mean!"

Celty turned away, as if to brush off his statement and left the room, leaving Shizuo standing there. He looked down at the man and frowned. "What the hell are you up to?"

The informant turned those red eyes to him and stared at him, peering down so far that Shizuo felt like he was being analyzed. He stared back in unspoken challenge, ready for any of Izaya's usual shit. He would punch him and they would resume their usual game of cat and mouse. That was the way they usually did this.

"Well?" Shizuo was getting tired of waiting for a response.

"… My chest hurts…"

"No dip, Sherlock. You've got a gaping hole in your chest. Shinra says you did it to yourself, so again I ask..." Shizuo leaned over the bed and stared the man straight in the eyes, leaving little space. He narrowed his gaze and practically growled, "What the hell are you up to?"

"You finally remember me?" The informant stared at him a moment before grinning a bit, leaning back against his pillows a moment before laughing. "Good. Life was boring without our fun little games."

"Don't fuck with me, Flea! I know you're up to something. It has to be big too if you knocked yourself out for three months."

Izaya stared at him before looking towards the window. "…three months…"

"Yeah, you know. Like 93 days."

Those carmine eyes shifted to his once more as that trademark smirk reappeared, "aw~ was someone worried about little old me?"

"Only if it means I can kill you." The blond snapped, furious at his interrogation's direction. It felt like the informant was getting more out of this than he was.

Izaya leaned back and yawned, "fine, fine. It's all good as long as your precious city is still on its feet, ne?"

"Shut up and tell me what you're up to flea!"

Izaya grinned, his eyes seeming to get brighter as Shizuo got more furious. "Where would the fun in that be, Shizu-chan? It would be a shame to end our game so soon. We've only-"

"We've been doing this shit for years." Shizuo felt his fist clench a moment before it connected with Izaya's face, causing the man to fall back and the bed to smash against the wall loudly. "Tch…" Shizuo turned and headed out of the room. "Stay the fuck out of my life, pest. I'm done dealing with you."

Izaya's voice drifted out after him, "ah, but then we would cease to exist, Shizu-chan. If nothing else, you should ask yourself why you came here 'again.'"

Shizuo passed the couple in the living room and left, glaring at the night sky above as he headed home, with each step feeling a pang in his chest.

Must have been heartburn or something….

Stupid idiot, trying to mess with him.


	7. Release

"Shinra~" Izaya whined, "my face hurts!"

"It hurts me to look at it as much as it hurts you to feel, Izaya." Shinra commented, snickering a bit as Izaya pouted more.

"So mean~"

"You know I was just kidding." Shinra put the last of the gauze in place and Izaya shook his head.

"You shouldn't pick on depressed people, Shinra~ You never know what they might do," ending his statement with a malicious twinge to it, Shinra stared at him a moment in silence.

"…So you did this to yourself?"

"Hmm?" Izaya smiled like a Cheshire cat, "whatever gave you that impression, Shinra? I would never harm myself! Who would love all my beloved humans the way I do~?"

"I should have guessed that a client would attack you or something." Shinra pushed away from the bed and swiveled around, turning to begin writing down some notes onto a clipboard nearby. "You're good to go, Izaya. Just don't go doing any strenuous activity for a few days. You need to ease yourself into exercise. Plus that neck wound-"

"That you so wonderfully gave me by cutting my neck open to put me on life support-"

"That I made to save your sorry ass-"

"Just sayin'-"

Shinra glared at him a bit, "I did what I had to. Be grateful. Next time, I might just let your body do what it pleases and kill you."

"Now that isn't very nice, Shinra~" Izaya cooed, "is Celty being difficult again?"

The doctor sighed, looking away towards the door, "…"

"Oh, my poor dear friend. Not to worry, like all monsters, they can't stand to be away from humans for long. They need them. Celty is no different."

"Doesn't that make you a monster?"

"Hmm?" Izaya looked over at him as he pulled on his coat. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You just said that monsters can't stand to be away from their humans… So that would make you a monster then, wouldn't it?" Shinra chuckled, "then that would make Shizuo the human you can't seem to stay away from-"

"No, no. You've got it all wrong." Izaya smiled as he bounced towards the door, "I'm above my beloved humans, but I would not consider myself a monster… more of a guide of sorts. The Virgil in this divine comedy. I will lead Dante and my beloved humans to their happiness."

"As long as it benefits you."

"You make me sound so evil, Shinra."

Izaya smiled as Shinra shook his head, "get out of here. Don't you have a job to do?"

"Why, yes I do. Thanks so very much for having Celty look after my online accounts for me. I knew there was a reason I trusted you with such information."

"Good bye Izaya."

"Ja ne!" The informant walked out, heading to the heart of Ikebukuro.

~.~

Shizuo couldn't stop the thoughts. They revolved through his mind like a spinning top, threatening to topple down upon his sanity. These feelings coursing through him, these images and ideas dancing around his mind; they taunted him. He couldn't shut his eyes from it, he couldn't tune the thoughts out.

It was like Saika had taken over his mind, had cut and seeped into his mind. It was annoying annoying annoying! He couldn't stop it! Why were these thoughts haunting him?

Blood red eyes pierced through his consciousness, glinting up at him from underneath him. Pale limbs reached out, teasing him to the man's level. The smirk so legendary to the informant, replaced with a heavy panting, open mouth. The informant looked up at him longingly.

_Shizu-chan_, the specter of his haunting nightmares called, _Shizu-chan…_

Shizuo shifted uncomfortably underneath his sheets, trying to get a grip on himself before he lost all his rationale. Honestly, what the hell was wrong with him? The darkness of the evening was thankfully settled in, allowing the ex-bartender to deny how aroused and lost to his own thoughts he was.

His thoughts accumulated, coalescing to form more vivid images. They coerced the blond into moaning, burying his face deeply into his pillows. This wasn't happening to him. He was above this…

_Shizu-chan! _The antagonist of his thoughts called, reaching out for him. It was too much. His fist gripped below, trying to quicken and end the torment. Perhaps if this had been the first time…

Perhaps if this had been the second time…

But it wasn't. Shizuo felt himself getting to a climax, his body tensing up for what was to come. He wrapped his arms around his pillow and moaned louder, his hand providing little aid.

"I…Iz…aya…" He tightened his hold, but it didn't help. He needed something more… He…

UGH! He didn't know what he needed, but he needed it now!

"Shizu-chan!" A knocking at his door startled the blond to the floor. He looked up, eyes dark with need. The knocking and taunting voice continued to call for him.

It was too much…

The man stood up, lunging for the door, sprinting down the hallway, to the front door, gripping the glinting hold handle. He opened the door, meeting the amused, taunting gaze of the informant. The brunet spoke, but Shizuo heard nothing. He watched that mouth move, that resounding voice from his thoughts… Those carmine eyes narrowed, the dark shadow of Shizuo's emotions showing on the brunet's face in the form of that bruise. Shizuo looked down at him, at the informant… at Izaya…

His mind flashed the images from his room again; those thoughts a whirlpool, sucking him in. His hands tightened subconsciously, it was too much.

"Shizu-chan, are you listening? I said that Shinra did a rape test and it turned up positive for me, what a naughty Shizu-"

Shizuo cut himself loose, giving in. The air that he had held, released. The longing he held within him for months, decimated.

_~.~_

_My Fascination, searching for the right sound  
>Was it a big fat? Oops!<br>Obsession, Insomnia hunted by my own songs_

_Looking at time_  
><em>I really have to go now.<em>  
><em>I had been up all night.<em>  
><em>Endlessly<em>

_Tell me in the morning_  
><em>Tell me in the evening<em>  
><em>Never have the tim<em>

- Clazziquai Project _Beat In Love (Yasutaka Nakata Remix)_


	8. A Pause In Our Game

_Drip._

_ Drip…_

_ Drip…_

Slowly… So painstakingly slowly, water dripped down from the skies. The heavy clouds cloaking the city poured. The open skies weeping upon the city of Ikebukuro, drenching the world in its sorrow.

Inside an apartment complex, near the lower class buildings, dilapidated and crumbling in areas, a couple lay. Curled against one another, they stared out at the falling rain.

"…quite a protozoan" Izaya looked over at the man next to him and smirked, "just dragging people to your bedroom as if you own them."

The blond flicked some ash into a nearby ashtray and blew out smoke into the air. The smoke drifting throughout the room, illuminated by the lights of the city, just barely, just for a moment before vanishing, the smell all that remained. "Can it, Flea."

The informant rolled over, further entangling them both in the bedsheets. The pale skin of his back almost glowing in the window's light. His carmine eyes were duller than before, having lost something important.

What that was, Shizuo had no idea.

"Ne, Shizu-chan just needed a good fuck, didn't he?"

The blond sighed, "we can't just enjoy silence, can we?"

"How insulting, Shizzy-chan." Izaya rolled onto his back and grinned up at the ceiling. His body halfway free now from the bed's grasp, giving the blond an eyeful. "Unlike someone, I can control my urges."

Shizuo looked down at him before returning to the end of his cigarette, his mind returning to its stasis, its never-ending quest to find an answer. "Is that why you did it?"

"Hmm?" Izaya looked over at him, stretching under the sheets, "why I did Shizu-chan? No, I did you because you wanted me to. You weren't too bad."

Killing the tobacco stick, Shizuo turned, wrapping his arms around the informant in his bedroom, wiggling under his sheets. His mouth traversed the planes of pale skin, blemished by the bandages wrapped around his neck and over his heart. He moved languidly, making his way up to the brunet's ear, whispering softly, "stop playing with me, Izaya."

"Ah, you regard yourself so highly. I merely was subject to a purely out of character phenomenon. It's nothing that you should pay any mind to." The man pulled away, gathering the sheets to his manhood. "Now then, shall we go about this again, or are we through for the night?"

Shizuo shook his head, wordlessly. He reached out again and pulled the informant back to him. Their lips met for the thousandth time that night and, again, it did nothing to satisfy him. It felt like the informant was holding himself back from him. Their passion was not met equally.

He ravaged the brunet before him, capturing and delving into the mouth of the louse. His arms played with the informant he soon had under him. The body shuddered under his touch before turning stoic, playing with him just as that mind played with his mind. It was just another game.

Another game for Shizuo to spend hours playing.

Another game for Shizuo to spend hours getting aggravated with.

He had always known that he was flea-obsessed. He had known that for a long time, never admitting it to anyone. He liked Izaya, but he hated him more. It was his double edged sword, his burden to bear.

The informant kicked the sheets away and looked up at him, blank faced. "Only for tonight, Shizu-chan. We will never discuss this again. We won't consider this again. For tonight though, our games can go on pause."

"Izaya…" Shizuo nearly breathed the name as if it were a prayer, hunger made its presence in their kisses. He towered over the informant, claiming anywhere his hand would and could touch. Their bodies met in places, a melody all its own, accompanying no tune and holding no notes, no promises.

Slowly, their hands got lost in locks of hair, carmine was returned to its view of mocha. The manhood of the ex-bartender returned to the entrance to the informant. A hiss escaped as the brunet as he was entered. He shut his eyes, blocking out the life in front of his eyes.

"Iz-"

"Just… just keep going, Shizuo…"

Unsuspecting, the blond continued to plunge into the informant. He bit and nibbled upon the body under him, leaving marks upon the man. He didn't want this time to end. He wanted to hold Izaya close. He had known for a while that he was falling for the informant. He had known that he was beyond all means of escaping these feelings. He wasn't going to fall alone though…

"Izaya…" He murmured the name over and over again, watching the informant respond accordingly. "Izaya. Izaya. Izaya. Izaya. Izaya." Like a mantra, the name spilled forth from him, catching up the frequent falling sounds of the rain outside the apartment. He moved quicker inside the informant, leaving no time for the informant to accustom himself. He didn't want Izaya to ever get used to him.

Izaya would only get bored and change the way their game was played then.

After minutes, hours, years later; Shizuo felt the informant lose himself in his pleasure, quickly following himself. They collapsed against the bedsheets, curling up against one another. Shizuo wrapped himself around the informant, almost as if protecting him from the world.

It felt like the ex-bartender was protecting the informant from himself…


	9. Melody of the Loneliness

The early dawn drifted through the windows, bringing the rays of warmth into the apartment. Shizuo watched the beams coming through idly. His body sat upon the edge of the bed, a cigarette perched in between his lips. His anger boiled, a swirling vortex of never-ending hostility. He should have known, should have guessed that the flea would pull something before morning.

Just looking at the empty side of his bed pissed him off.

So the flea had taken off early. It wasn't as though he had been overly worried about the informant. It wasn't like he had cared about the informant in any way, shape, or form. It wasn't like he felt lost without the informant here in the morning.

He wanted to take that cocky louse and shackle him to the bed. Stupid idiot was probably causing trouble in the city. No doubt sending more people into misery. Somehow, Shinra must have realized his obsession over the informant and tipped him off…

What did that make last night?

Had Izaya only come as a pity fuck? Was his only reason being here last night just to mess with him further, making it impossible for him to think or see or smell anything else but the informant himself? It was true. Nothing would rid him of the informant's image. His room stank to high heavens with the scent of the man, and if Shizuo had any less restraint, he would have immediately taken a nosedive for his pillows pressing them to his face until he was so overloaded with the smell that he could take it with him everywhere.

The urge to do such a thing disturbed him greatly.

But yet Izaya had just left. He just woke up early in the morning and walked out the front door. There was no note, there was no soft jostle and a peck on the cheek, no promise for him to call later and make some plans for another meet up. The man simply had walked out the front door and vanished.

Shizuo almost could believe that it had been his imagination the entire time. He could almost believe that he had simply masturbated in bed several times and had used the flea's likeness to do so. As much as he would hate to admit it, it wouldn't have been the first time that such a thing had happened…

The phone rang under that warm, happy rays from the sun shining through the windows. The cheery ring increased his anger enormously. He was angry, why should anything else be so happy? Storming over to his phone, he picked it up and continued smoking. "What?"

"_Shizuo! Are you alright?" _

"Pissed, but yeah, I'm fine. Why the hell are you calling?"

_"…I was just checking up on you…" _The doctor's voice sounded off. The cigarette smoke filled Shizuo's mouth as he considered this. Shinra must be up to something as well. Why the hell did he wan….

"What's going on over there Shinra?"

_"Um… if I tell you, do you promise not to kill me or get mad…"_

There it was. There was something happening, something that would piss him off further and send the day spiraling downwards to the point of him losing his mind. With his luck and his acquaintances, he would probably be insane in a few short months. "Sure, what the hell is happening?"

_"It's… uh… well you see…"_

"Spit it out, Shinra!" Shizuo barked into his phone.

_"Izaya's collapsed again. He was found out cold on his apartment floor again by a client."_

The cigarette dropped from Shizuo's hands, his eyes fixed on the empty side of his bed.

_"Shizuo… Shizuo are you still there?"_

The flea was back unconscious. He was found passed out on his own floor. What could have happened to him? What if that damned fucking client had done anything to him? The thoughts of what the damn bastards might have done to Izaya sent his rage pouring out in buckets. He wanted to find the client and plow his face in with his fists. He wanted to thoroughly make it impossible for the man or men to come anywhere near his informant.

His…

Shizuo shut his eyes. He hadn't meant to claim the louse, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had enver been one for much self restraint. He had never been one to be able to hold back.

_"Shizuo!"_

"I'll be over there in a few minutes." Shizuo hung up and grabbed his uniform, heading passed the mess he had made with the informant last night. He picked up the fir-trimmed jacket sitting on his couch and looked around, unable to find the vest he had tossed after it last night. The soft, warm fabric of the jacket dissipated some of the ire in him. He wrapped his arms around the jacket and looked about his home.

They were spiraling into chaos together, weren't they? He felt like, as unconfident as he was socially, the louse was emotionally. They were like opposites, ying and yang of one another. He should have been happy to hear that the louse was out the first time, but instead he had gotten worried, he had been there for the informant when nobody else was. And now with the informant yet again out, he was going to do the same thing. There was no way he could dismiss the implications of this set of however many trips to visit Izaya he would have to make.

Shinra would be an annoying pest about it. Celty… She would be worried about him, being obsessed with a louse like that would be harmful to him. There was almost no way of knowing when he was being played and when the louse was serious.

Shizuo's hands tightened around the jacket, hugging it to his chest after he dressed and heading out to Shinra's.

Last night was an example. He could let himself go with the informant, losing himself to the experience he was far too fearful to take with anyone else in the world. He could let his emotions take hold without any conscious thought about it, but then in the morning he was all alone. He was abandoned only for the louse to end up out cold again. In the same spot the damn louse had been found too.

What the hell was the flea planning?

Why was he playing with his emotions like this? Did he find it funny? Did he think that it was fair to him, that Izaya was plucking his emotional strings like a fucking musician?

"Ah, Shizuo-" Shizuo pushed past the doctor and headed straight for the guest treatment room, throwing the door open to find the informant sleeping soundly in the bed, completely lost to the world.

Shinra had followed him from the door. "I was thinking about a new treatment." He walked quietly forward and pointed to the headphones, "I felt like the condition Izaya-san's in is because of his depression so I threw some voice recording on for him to listen to. While subliminal messaging has no full evidence, if it'll help Izaya, then I'll do it."

Shizuo frowned, "what are the recordings saying?" The informant's face was in complete repose, just like before.

"Oh, nothing important. Just to eat and stay healthy. You know, daily things that keep us happy and strong. Although I suppose I definitely don't need to tell you that." He laughed a bit before the front door was slammed shut. "OH! CELTY~1" The lovestruck doctor sprinted from the room as though he was still five at heart, rushing to wrap his arms around his beloved dullahan. He hugged her tightly and grinned like an idiot. "I missed you so much, Celty."

The dullahan frowned, typing.

She showed the message to Shinra and he laughed again, "I know you were only gone a few minutes but I love you and-"

Shizuo stopped listening as he shut the door and walked over to the informant. Subliminal messaging? So basically it said a bunch of shit and that was suddenly what the informant thought about. He could say anything and the informant would follow through with it? Anything at all…

He pulled the headphones away from Izaya and listened himself. Shinra's voice poured out of it.

"_You have to eat healthy otherwise you will die and you don't want that. You need to sleep for a few hours each night. That way you keep your energy…"_

Shizuo rolled his eyes before he caught sight of the recorder, watching it spin. The recording button and erase button were nearby…

He shouldn't even consider something like that. It would be stupid, and it probably wouldn't even work. He would probably just frustrate himself more. Then again, if it did work. Izaya would be more than fine. He would be happier than he had ever been before. They wouldn't have to worry about him collapsing again.

He wouldn't be depressed ever again.

Shizuo locked the door to the room and spoke quietly into the device, erasing Shinra's message completely before creating his own. The pressure of the past and his anger vanishing as he spoke, his hopes for this were slim, but the amount was enough to cheer him up. He wanted it to work with every fiber of his being.

Just to have it work, just this once.

It would be enough for him. Never again would he reach out and long so profoundly for anything.

When he was finished with the short but important message, he replaced the headphones back around the informant's head, briefly kissing his forehead before unlocking and walking out the treatment room door. He nodded greetings to Celty as Shinra babbled on about something or other in some chatroom.

He wandered down the hall and down the elevator, passing Celty's quietly neighing bike. His feet carried him down the streets of Ikebukuro, all the way to Russian sushi, then all the way home. He kicked his shoes off and collapsed on the couch, shaking his head.

It had been so stupid of him to try that. There was no way in hell that it would work. Either Izaya or Shinra listening to that tape would probably laugh at him and he would never be able to live it down.

Stupid, Stupid, stupid. That was all that that had been…

Shizuo buried his face into his couch cushion and fell asleep, hating his own longing and lonliness like nothing else.

~.~

_**A/N: Hey Shizuo, whatcha doin'? What did you put on that recording? –peering into the next chapter- Oh my… oh my… whatever have you done… This… this is quite… oh my… oh my oh my… **_

_**Review~**_


	10. Rebirth

"I can't believe I'm stuck babysitting when I could be spending my wonderful day off with my beloved future wife!" Shinra whined in the dullahan's direction as he pulled the treatment room door open. "Just think of what we could be doing right now!"

The dullahan's shadows headed for the doctor, those stomach ache causing pests almost reaching him before he shut the door, locking it behind him. He sighed in relief. That had been too close, his poor stomach was still trying to recover from the last time (this morning) that the woman had hurt it.

"Shinra…"

Stunned, Shinra's head whipped up only for him to grin in happiness, he stood up straight and held his arms out, "Izaya! You're awake!"

The informant looked around the room silently for a moment before turning a stoic gaze to him, "…how long have I been here?"

"A little while, not long. I'm quite stunned actually. I didn't expect you to ever wake!"

"Hmm…"

"So how's the health? Are you hungry? You haven't eaten in a whi-"

"I think I shall be leaving when you finish a quick check-up, Shinra." Izaya smirked over at him, tugging the headphones further down, letting them hang from his neck, "I have business after all."

"Izaya, you haven't had a good night's rest in a while, don't you think that-"

"Nope nope!" The man smiled, a smug, know-it-all smirk, "I have better things to do than sleep here all my life. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

So much for the subliminal messaging, Shinra thought. "A-alright then, we'll just finish up the usual routine." He walked across the room and gripped the brunet's wrist, watching his watch. "So how did we go unconscious this time, Izaya?"

"Hmm wha now?"

"What did you do to yourself?"

"I figured you would already know, Shinra-san!" Izaya shrugged, "sleep deprivation plus excessive strenuous activity mixed with anxiety and stress. A wondrous combination. I highly recommend it with a nice side of a tall glass of vodka."

"You're hopeless."

Izaya theatrically blanched a bit, "SHINRA! This is me you're talking about! Shouldn't you encourage your patients, not telling them that they're terminal?"

"I never said terminal, you're fine….for now," he added, glaring, "You should be taking things easy though. As in one small step at a time, as in resting and eating and-"

Izaya yawned, "no being smashed by vending machines and throwing knives, I'm used to your babble, Shinra. Just claim me cured and send me home."

"Somehow I think you would never be cured of anything." Shinra sighed, grabbing for his supplies from nearby. "You need to start eating…and sleeping for once. You need to start an actual diet. You need to eat sweets." He looked over the rim of his glasses, glaring the informant to stay quiet, "don't even give me that shit about you becoming fat, when that happens, Celty will be a human and I'll be the one running around living with no head."

"Was that a crack at you and Celty?" Izaya whistled, "reaching, doctor, that's reaching. Quite demanding, you are."

"Just shut up and take the damn orders I give you."

"Bored~" Izaya stood up and wavered on his feet a moment before walking over to the window, sliding it open.

"Izaya, I know you aren't going out that window."

He pulled the screen off and set it nearby.

"Izaya, take one step outside this room before I say so and I will not be responsible for when you collapse again."

The informant scooted on the ledge, grabbing his coat from a nearby chair, wrapping around his hospital gown.

Shinra tried a different tactic, begging. "Izaya… don't do this… just come back and get better…"

"I'll see you later, Shin-chan. I must attend my tea date with some friends. It's been a blast though! I'll be sure to tell Shizzy that you say hello~" With that, his feet dropped from sight, followed by his torso, his head, until he was completely gone. Shinra rushed to the window to see the informant's body falling through the air. There was no struggle, he just fell…

And fell…

And fell…

The ground becoming closer to him, but he didn't struggle. He didn't panic or scream or whoop. He remained a lifeless object, falling down. Shinra felt himself grip the sill as he watched his childhood friend drop like a rock.

In the last few seconds, the informant spun in the air, his feet hitting the building a moment before he flipped calmly onto the ground. He stuck his hands up as though he were some gymnast before walking down the street.

…

[Shinra? Are you alright?]

Shinra turned as he saw the text message on the side of his vision. Looking up at the dullahan, he snorted. "I don't think he liked my subliminal message attempt."

[…did he do something to you?]

"No, he only hurt my poor feelings…I feel like I have no one," he pouted before earning himself a hug. Celty holding him close as she quickly typed.

[You know I'm always here for you.]

"I know. I love you Celty~"

~.~

Shizuo was finally getting some rest. He wasn't sleeping well, but he could tell he was actually able to get some kind of sleep in. He tossed and turned on his lousy couch, hating how uncomfortable it was. He couldn't- wouldn't dare to sleep in his own bed. He couldn't stop from thinking about Izaya when he did and when his thoughts went there…

He couldn't stop the need he had to go back and drag the brunet back to his house.

It was something that scared him shitless.

The knocking on his door came as the sun rose; he looked towards the door, raising his arm a bit from his eyes. He stared at the plain wood door as though it would open itself. "Who's it?"

No answer, just another set of knocks before Shizuo grunted in aggravation. Obviously, whoever the hell it was wanted to piss him off. They were doing a wondrous job of it too. He stood up and walked over to the door, opening it furiously.

"WHA- …Izaya?" He looked at the man before him in shock.

"Hi there Shizu-chan. Move your butt over," He side stepped the blond with a large suitcase and several small bags. "You wouldn't believe how untrusting taxi drivers are at three in the morning."

"What are you doing here?" He stared at the man in shock.

"Well I figured since we both wanna fuck each other as much as possible, and you're attached to your smelly, western styled home, I might as well move in somewhat permanently." He heaved his bags onto the couch and let out a loud sigh, "it's for the best anyway, my clientele knowing where I live was never a brilliant idea to begin with."

"…what?" Shizuo was still staring at the informant as though he'd grown a second head and started breathing fire.

"Dibs on shower!" Izaya grinned before rushing for the bathroom, spreading his arms out like an airplane and making noises as he turned and ran into the room, locking the door behind him. The shower started up a moment later and Shizuo stood stalk still, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

_I will admit, flea, you make me wanna fuck you senseless. Somehow I think you want it to. Whenever we chase each other, I feel like you're seeing more of me than anyone else gets to see. It pisses me off, knowing that I'll never fully be able to understand what goes on in your head. I know you may never confess your thoughts, but I always hope to hear it. Even if I may be a protozoan, there are some things that don't take rocket scientists to figure out._

Shizuo's mind froze upon his own words from the recording he had made.

He hadn't… he…

He didn't know what to make of this.

"Shizu-chan~" The flea poked his head out, smirking, "if you want me to touch you, those clothes better be off when I finish." The heat-filled, most obvious ogling, topped with the informant licking his lips with a sultry look on his face; it made Shizuo's brain gears screech to a halt, his hands going to his vest and shirt immediately. The informant laughed, "someone's impatient."

"Grab the shampoo, louse."

"Lube's in the top bag of min-"

"No time. Get in my fucking shower and spread your damn legs."

"Them be fightin' words, Shizzy. You seem to think you're topping."

Shizuo grabbed the man and heard his pants tear as he ripped them off. His clothing quickly gone as he shut the door behind them.

~.~

_**A/N: Wait a second, wtf just happened? Oh yeah, I just cut the fic off before lemons. And look at that, no alternat-**_

_**Delic: -smoking quietly- **_

_**PI: … - You… you are in my author note… You are not allowed. Go do Hibiya.**_

_**Delic: …-smiles seductively- **_

_**PI: …-nosebleed suddenly happens- **_

_**Delic: I'm guessing you're asking for reviews again, Info-chan.**_

_**PI: I'm just going to settle for ogling you a while and updating when some reviews pop up later. Whatever. –climbing onto the host's lap- Mmm… commoner lap of awesome~**_


	11. Transfer of Unhappiness

Water drips down from my hair as I look down at him. Mirth written upon every smirk he throws up at me, every moan he gives out as I ram into him. It feels more real than anything else in my entire life.

"Shizu…ah… Shizu-chan… there…" He arches back, his kiss-bruised lips mine for the taking. I take them eagerly, claiming them with my own lips. I delve into the warm heat of his mouth, even as my cock brushes against his tight insides. There's nothing more perfect than this. Nothing that I would trade for this.

Izaya grips the handle of the shower door, trying to hold off his ecstasy a bit longer. I moved down from his face. I mar the perfect pale skin under my monstrous person. I pound into him now.

My mind replays that this is all a lie.

Without pity, without thought, I begin a faster tempo. I cling to him, leaving marks that are far darker, far more impossible for him to hide on his neck. The brunet just moans, holding onto me. His hands gripping me for dear life.

What a monster.

What have I done? For my own sick pleasure, I have deceived this person. Abeit the Orihara Izaya, but…

Did he deserve to be saddled with me?

Did he deserve to be at the front of all these cooped up emotions, all this pain I have held inside?

"Shizu-chaAH…" The informant leaned forward, my hand catching his head before it pounds into the wall of the shower. He releases, cum spurting from him, his eyes glazing over in his high.

He came for a lie…

It's so damn annoying! ANNOYING ANNOYING ANNOYING! These claims and doubts cloud my release. Hands balling into fists upon the tiled walls, I hold the informant up, the water scalding hot against my back. The louse had wanted one hell of a hot shower.

"Shizu-chan?" He turns to look up at me, his eyes filled with worry as I pull out.

"Iza-kun…" I capture his lips, listening to the sweet melody of his moan before the informant purrs in my arms, wrapping his arms around me. I force the doubt and self-loathing aside, watching the informant wrap his hand around me and pumping.

The man's brows furrow as he goes.

He moves faster and faster, complimenting the length, the width. His voice low, oozing with seduction. He gives a hooded gaze, those red eyes rubies, glistening only for him.

The cum, as the tension is released, mixes with the shower water, swirling down the drain.

With that, goes the peace.

The informant climbs out, smiling at me. He leans in and kisses me again. Saying something about how much he loves me. He murmurs how much he can't wait to do it again, even if I am a protozoan.

I watch him walk out and realize…

I've taken his pain.

I've taken his pain and left him without what made him him.

I'm with stranger now. A stranger that wears my Izaya's face…

But he doesn't have that zest. He doesn't hold that quality that made him him. He lacks the raison d'etre that made him the formidable informant that the world saw him as. He…

He was no longer himself and it was all…

_It was all his fault._

_ ~.~_

_ Who's to blame?_

_ Excuses…_

_ No remedy to cure this pain._

_ All this pain inside~ _

_ No remedy to cure this pain. _

_ Cuz I believe, there's nothing left for me._

_ ~.~_

_ **A/N: Thanks for your patience peeps. Another chapter. I decided to give a nice Shizuo viewpoint. No, I'm not planning to do it again, but I couldn't get Shizuo's words out right any other way. I wanted to throw his pain out. I wanted him to be feeling the burden that Izaya had felt before. Lemon's bonus for being patient loyal readers. Danke! **_


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